Poetry is easy.
Five minutes of skill vs days of being novel .
Masturbation and climax with no work in the relationship.
Only the story is worthwhile.
It’s only a matter of days now until the referendum on Scottish independence and with the new poll, showing yes ahead, but effectively making things too close to call, it’s getting exciting!
I wrote about my conversion from ambivalence to strongly pro-independence here. But even at the time, I had my doubts about independence being possible. Scotland seemed to be entrenched in old immoveable views. Most Labour folk would follow the Labour line and SNP folk would follow the SNP line and that would be it. People seemed unwilling to engage or even consider that it might even be possible. In truth, it gave me doubts about Scottish people – I have been proven astoundingly wrong in these doubts.
In the past half year it’s like the whole country has woken up to the idea that independence might just work or it’s a least worth having an open conversation about above and beyond the usual party lines. People are making up their own minds. They have been debating the risks and the rewards at a level that seemed impossible for me to imagine before.
The highest point in the campaign for me was the other day when a friend from back in school posted an eloquent plea for independence on his Facebook page. It’s funny, but you never really think of people growing up and changing. It would have been hard to imagine that the kid I knew at school would care anything about politics, never mind to be so engaged as to write something so heartfelt on his timeline. Times change and Scotland is changing – maybe even for the better.
Of course, it’s not all be pleasant. Accusations of aggressiveness on and off the internet have come from both sides, but I think considering the magnitude of the decision being made, Scotland is doing pretty well – for most countries it takes a revolution to bring about the sort of changes we are talking about.
I hope the people of Scotland will vote YES. But even if we don’t, the referendum itself has been a success. People are taking their country into their own hands in a way that I’ve never seen in my lifetime and it gives me hope that maybe people are better than I’ve given them credit for. Maybe the world can be changed…. not maybe .. YES
I’m releasing a collection of short stories:
Michael is having a bad day. His wife has given him grief, reporters have heckled him and his driver has offered him ‘special assistance’. It’s only his first day as the PM, but things are about to get a lot worse. He’s not in charge and he’s about to find out who is.
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I’ve done it again. I came on too strong an ended up chasing away someone that I cared about.
I don’t fall for people very often. Certainly not as often as I used to. I feel plenty of attraction of course, but that feeling of something bigger only comes once or twice a year and when it does I just lose control.
In person I’m not too bad, I think. In the presence of someone I care about I find myself calm and quite serene. It’s when you take them away and put a phone in my hand that things really start to go wrong. The worst part is that I know what I’m doing is wrong, I just can’t control myself. I can stop sending those texts or spilling out my soul.
The problem is not, as some will say, that I come across as desperate. The problem is I am desperate. I have a few real relationships to my name and most of them are questionable as proper relationships. My experience of high school romance was worshipping poor Mary Louise Sweeny from a far, without the fairly tale ending that the movies told me I would have. These days, as soon as something real becomes an option, I just revert back to that same little boy.
The truth is I love being him. I love caring so much about someone else that I stop caring about myself. There’s something pure
about that part of me that I never want to be without, even although having it will always result in tragedy. To lose that boy in me means to become something cold and mathematical. It means becoming a player that runs with a rule book or a “system”. It’s becoming a person that manipulates girls in to wanting him – no not him. He manipulates them into wanting the façade that he presents. I’m not sure which is more tragic.
I recently finished John Green’s “The fault in our stars”, it was a super book, about two teenagers dying of cancer, but finding love together. It just makes me long for my own little piece of true love that seems to have eluded me in my life. Of course real life is going to be harder. My good friend Paul recently broke up with the guy he’s been going out with, since long before I’ve known him. It must be hard. But at least he can look back at the end of the day and say he’s had something, even if it did fall apart. I’m curious if he would agree or not.
It’s a strange thing to write and tell the world these things. Some how writing it and putting it out there is cathartic. Maybe I hope that someone out there feels the same and can gain a feeling of kinship from it.
For now I’m going to watch some films and try and move on. “500 days of summer” has been watched, now onto “Eternal Sunshine”.
So I just turned 31 a few minutes ago…
It’s not been a bad year all things considered, but it hasn’t been my best. I felt that I tried to do a lot last year and in the end I’m now back where I started (both in terms of location and goals). What can I say, “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men. Gang aft agley,”. And it’s not that I’m in a bad place to be or that the journey to get back here was terrible (It was a lot of fun at times). I just sometimes don’t feel that I’m going anywhere and more importantly I’m not sure where I want to go.
So time to make a plan.
This year there are some things that I would really like to do:
1. Get a proper relationship: One great thing about Indonesia is that there are lots of fun girls around, but it’s harder when trying to find someone to date in a serious way. This year I want to find someone who is the impossible: intelligent and sexy at the same time.
2. Decide where to go next: I need some direction in my life. I have whole bunch of projects that I do: Writing, coding, educating, fitness. I need to decide where I want to be in ten years to that I can stop being a jack of all trades and start to master something.
3. Get that book out: I have have two books on my computer that I’ve not managed to put out yet. Part if it is waiting on covers, but that’s just an excuse. First things this year I’ll try and put them out there.
4. Find a job I love: Again I want the impossible. My job here is nice enough, but I need to start thinking more long term. I’ve thought of trying to start my own business or maybe finding a job in software again. Either way I need to get those CV’s out into the world and see what options I have.
It’s not the best plan in the world. But it’s a start. Any suggestions on how to achieve the above?